Last months of my 20's

I've come to realize over the last few years that this process of leaving my 20's has some real implications for concern and reflection. I have around 5 months left and feel myself starting to kick into critique mode. Am I happy with where I am in my life? What do I want to accomplish in my life?

I have always been a very driven person, and some of my friends have encouraged me to slow down, but I like this pace. I like to feel accomplished and to push myself (even though at times it drives me nuts). In general, I like to keep things moving. I feel the clock ticketing and want to get the most of out this life.

If I look at 30 from my 25 year old self I am somewhat surprised by the amount of time things take. At that age I was also more excited to reach this age, because I had so many friends that were turning 30. I was also hopeful that I would have more figured out and I suppose I do, but it all hasn't gone as planned. Certain things that I thought I would have accomplished by now I haven't, like starting my own family, a more developed career path, more money in the bank, the list goes on. However, I am in the process of all of those things, which is a great place to be. It turns out that things just take longer than I thought they would.

I did accomplish some things that I planned on: being engaged, finishing my master's degree, starting a career, leaving Florida, and I'm sure there are more.

And then there are things I accomplished that I wasn't ever planning on doing: learning to run, completing a 5K race, completing a triathlon, living in California, learning to drive a bus, getting my MFA, being someone's boss, being able to give someone a job, and confronting countless fears.

As I get closer to 30, I am starting to accept it. It will be a new chapter of the same book with more twists and turns. I will keep making lists, setting goals and accessing my trajectory. I will have to accept that there are many things that I will not do while in my 20's, but really those were also tough times. I learned some hard lessons in my 20's that I am happy to be leave behind.

In February of 2013 I will update on the visceral changes and realizations that come with being a little older and hopefully wiser.

A Biker?

Last Sunday I took my bike out for a ride along the Los Angeles River trail. I ended up riding 16 miles in total, and even stopped off at a friend's house in the middle of the ride. Who knew I would love biking so much? Having a good bike, and the equipement that goes along with it really helps (cool helmet, accessible bike pump, bell).

I think this picture of the terrier sums it up for me. When I'm running or biking I just feel like I'm flying, so I guess my soul is pretty down with it. The release of energy is so rewarding, that it's like getting a message at times.

Job Time

With great fortune I was able to land a full time job out of graduate school, with an MFA no less. It has now been 5 weeks of full-time employment with the organization called Exceptional Children's Foundation. This job comes with full-benefits that the organization pays half of and vacation time. My position is the Site Supervisor at their downtown art studio location. I am responsible for supervising 35 adult students with disabilities and 6 instructors.

I should really be thrilled, but alas I am not. I find myself unhappy working with this population and feel that there is still yet something calling me. Transitioning from the intellectual world of graduate school to social services where I work with limited intellectual capacities has been very difficult. At the very least I think I should be doing public programming or community building, like the job I left that couldn't really pay me for what I was doing.

Another part of the discontentment is the mission of the program. There is a strong focus on the art product that is being produced and not the process of art making. For a lot of the clients there is also a lack of intellectual understanding that makes the workings of the program border on the line of unethical. However, I took the job 1) for the need and 2) to see if there was anyway that I could improve the program.

In the meantime this job is supplying me with stable money and the time to look for other jobs, contemplate what is important to me, and otherwise motivate me to continue my quest. I long for the day that I will feel content with my contribution to the world; to feel as though I have found my place. I am told that this takes time and to be patient. I hear that, but also don't want to waste time doing things that do not connect to my life path.

I took this current job with reservation, but felt that it was the most responsible thing to do at the time. I also knew that there was something to learn from this job. This position is the first full-time management job that I have held. I am patiently waiting, looking and organizing for the time when this job will be over. An unfortunate feeling, but also a realistic one. Sometimes only time will tell.